What is wrong!?!?

What the hell is wrong with me? I should be happy, relaxed, enjoying of all the new things in  my life. Ending school, starting a new job, earning en saving enough money to do nice things. But no… I am angry, annoyed, even getting aggressive. That’s soooo not good.

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School’s out for ever!


Hello everybody. I had a question through LW’s blog from MsLeftie about my school years. What did I study and al the stuff around that I will post here today. It started all a year earlier, in 2008. I left my mom to live with LW and BF back then. I found a nice job at a supply chain near big city close by were we are living. I loved it there. They paid me well and the colleague’s were nice. But… after a year they told me they did not want to prolong my contract and that I had to go. This is where it all started.

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Crying, Useless, Helpless

I’ve been staring to this “blanco page” for a while now. I feel like writing but I just can’t find the words. I’ve been listening to some music and before I knew, tears were burning behind my eyes. I felt I had to get my laptop and open a new blog. That’s almost 20 minutes ago now. Why the hell do I feel like this.

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….I am gay!

So what right?? I agree, but not everybody is this open minded. But it’s not only that. What’s going on in my mind. Am I gay or not?

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Where do we go from here?

Here am I again. It has been a while. But technically not a lot has changed. We still live with three in the house, there are still fights, I still hate this situation. The thing is, I just can’t do this anymore. Things has to change and it has to change now. Otherwise there won’t be a live to go back to because I can’t… I just can’t go on with this. It will “kill” me.

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“retreat”, “fight” or “wait”

I have been putting a lot of time into a big, big post which I never posted and I never will. This because all that’s written in there has happened. Things has been said and done and there is just no point of posting it now because it’s would be a waste of time to read it. So now I am writing a new post. A post I will post. The point with the other post was that I did not have the feeling it was finished and I did not have the courage to post it. But with this one I will. It’s about what to do. Retreat, fight of wait. The three of us had an conversation about the whole relationship thing. It was hard… but so damn necessary.

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What the hell is love?

I am wondering. What is love? What is the difference between loving somebody and caring for somebody. Can you say: “I love you” to a person you just care about. In the same way you say “I love you” to a person you really love?

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That stupid hand

Today I had my appointment with the orthopedist at the hospital in Boxmeer. I am having pain for the last 4 to 5 weeks. The pain is in my left hand. Because of the pain I can’t use my hand a lot. Well, I can use it but it gives me a lot of pain.

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Chapter 2 of my scary book

I started reading the second chapter of “when someone you love is Bipolar”. It’s called: “What you can expect; the course of Bipolar illness. I put it aside for a while but Wallflower kept on asking me when I was going to read more. I can only read it when it’s quiet and nobody is around. Well… except the dog (and in this case dogs). So here we go again. I have to go to work this afternoon so I hope I can read another chapter before I have to leave but well… I can’t promise anything.

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Another down period

Hello everybody,

Here I am again. It has been a while. We are in the middle of a down period now and at this moment it feels like it’s eating me alive. It’s over 2 weeks now and I am so tired of fighting against it. I am not the only one who is tired. Wallflower hasn’t been sleeping proper for a few weeks now. It makes her more vulnerable for everything which isn’t good for her mood swings. Read the rest of this entry